Not making much progress

Time for a little Pretty Content update! As I’ve mentioned before, I took a big break from my business since around March time and my life has been all over the place.

A few months back I decided to work on a comeback and I’ve been slowly making progress on a new website ever since. But, of course, this is me, and nothing I do comes without feelings of ambivalence. My blog was even called Ambivalent at one point. It’s a word I’ve always felt connected with.

I used to be the type of person who felt extremely guilty if I didn’t use my free time “productively.” But my recent autism diagnosis has given me a bit more space, compassion and grace. I don’t really feel this pull toward productivity anymore (I mean, it’s only been a few weeks, so I’m maybe jumping the gun a bit) and I definitely can see the value of rest for me now.

Simply put, I’m at a disadvantage of many of the side hustlers out there. I now realise that my autism makes things harder for me than the average person. That I will need more recovery time from social events. Where some may be able to push a few extra hours of work beyond their 9 to 5, this might never be realistic for me. And that might be why I’ve struggled so much to keep my business afloat in the past.

I need to figure out a creative outlet for myself that allows for the space that I need. And the return of Pretty Content might be that. I could see myself working away at it as my energy allows. I just need to be realistic about the fact that it will never be something bigger than an occasional side project.

Part of my autism assessment centred around the way I liked to play as a child and generally what came out from it was that… I didn’t. I often spent more time setting up systems and getting things ready to play than actually playing. Like preparing lessons for playing school.

When I was home in August, we went through a box of old notebooks I’d stored at my parents, and so many of them were filled with the plans for websites. Some that came to fruition and others that didn’t.

The important thread here is that so much of my “free time” is spent more around planning what I’m going to do, rather than doing the thing. And maybe that’s okay? Maybe working ON Pretty Content, as a business, could be fulfilling, even if I only take on a few projects per year.

But then something else could also be a good fit. Or, I could just take it easy and relax and maybe WRITE IN THIS BLOG MORE.

I guess the point is that I was very confident that a relaunch of my design business was the path forward, and now I’m back to not really knowing what I want.

Story of my damn life.