Burn out

It got me? I guess? Part of me is surprised it took this long and part of me is still shocked at the fact that I asked for help… for time off work of all things! I asked for time and space to fix my brain, and I actually got it? 

It’s not been completely smooth sailing, of course. There have been a lot of ups and downs. But definitely more ups. And the downs have started to space themselves out a bit more. 

So what have I been doing?

  • I had extra therapy. Managed to snag an extra session so I could work through what was going on in my brain. Doing something to actively try to make myself feel better. 
  • I went for long walks in the sun. I sat on the beach. I realised how much my body craves light. 
  • I spent time being creative. From bracelet making. To taking photos with my new super cheap digital camera. 
  • I had a lot of little treats. Some of them food, others little things I bought. 
  • I listened to a lot of The Tortured Poets Department Anthology, which was a great channel for some of my emotions. 
  • I read an entire novel in one day. Including in one of my favourite cafes. 
  • I went to the local museum. 
  • I’ve danced in every room in the flat. 
  • I’ve spent a lot of time with myself and my own thoughts, in a healthier way. 
  • I’ve worn cute outfits that made me feel confident. 
  • I went to a beginners yoga class which I really enjoyed and intend on continuing! 

And I think it has all helped. I feel like I’m more aware of what’s going on around me instead of existing in an exhausted fog. (I’m still pretty exhausted but it’s a lot less foggy.) I’ve found new ways to channel my energy and focus my brain that don’t revolve around being on my phone. 

And as cliché and disgusting as it sounds, and I apologise in advance for even making you read this: 

It’s taught me that romanticising my life actually can help me a lot. 

That I like being the woman taking photos of vintage clothes on the museum one afternoon. I like being the one sitting on the beach, looking for bits of sea glass. And the one who has a little dance break in the middle of her day because her playlist is banging and she has a little extra energy. 

And the thing is, I think these are all super attainable in my daily life, even when I am back to work full time. 

Especially with Kate in the gym more often than not after work, I find myself with a few little blocks of solo time, and there’s no reason that time can’t be used for these silly little moments. 

That said, we know I am a pessimist. Okay, I’m going to say realist. Whatever. The point is that I know it’s not all smooth sailing. I know that most of my lowest lows are followed by my highest highs, and that might be the case now too. But having a little space at least means I’ve been able to sustain it a little bit longer. And hopefully the extended duration means more of it has had time to sink into my brain. 

Today’s mobile blogging attempt is: writing the post in my Notes app and then trying to paste it into WordPress in the browser. If you’re reading this, it worked?